Alone - The Fear of Living Alone

There are some words that seem to strike fear in the heart of people and the word "alone" is one of them. I recently have found that it seems to carry a stigma with it when a few months ago I saw a friend's post on Facebook that said they were bored and looking for someone to go to the movies with. When I suggested they just go to the movies by them-self they said "No, that's just sad and creepy".

It gave me pause to think because I have recently found myself living alone for the first time in my entire life. I had spent the first 20 years of my life being my parents daughter or someone's girlfriend and then next 20 years being my son's mother or someone's girlfriend and now I find myself being just me.

Being alone and doing things alone aren't a problem for me. I rather enjoy experiencing things for myself I have found. There is no one else's opinion to taint the event, no one else's likes or dislikes to consider if you want to go to something at all. If I want to try the opera because I've never been, I can just go. I don't have to ask someone else if they would want to go and have them turn it down because it's not something that they think they might enjoy. I find it to be quite freeing actually.

I think the only thing I have found as a drawback to being alone is an identity issue. Who am I? I had identified as my son's mother for 20 years. Not that I am not still his mother, but he's moved very far away and that position or job or identity isn't something that is in the front of my life any longer. I have found this to be a challenge because like many other women, I seem to have forgotten who exactly I was before I was a mom. So now I am spending my free time getting to know myself. It is an interesting experience to say the least.

The first time I spent time by myself for short period of time, the hardest question there was to answer was also the simplest. "What do you want to do?" Whether it was what did I want to eat, watch on TV or do over the weekend, the choice was all my own. I didn't have to ask anyone else what they thought or take their feelings into consideration. If I wanted a bowl of cereal for dinner I could just have it, and not comprise with what someone else wanted. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it was just weird that I wasn't aware of what I really wanted for such simple things. I had taken care of someone else for so long and done for someone else for so long I had forgotten how to do for myself and take care of myself.

I think this is why one of my favorite movies is "Runaway Bride" Richard Gere's character Graham, asks all of Julia Robert's character Maggie's X-Boyfriends how she likes her eggs. Each one replies the same, " Just like I do." When he confronts her she finds she honestly doesn't know how she likes them. It's a simple question really but she can't answer it and spends a morning cooking them every which way until she figures it out. I think there are many women who can identify with this character and having lost themselves having taken on the role of caregiver to everyone else and forgetting themselves.

I am not saying that we have done anything wrong in taking care of others, because we love them very much and go above an beyond to make sure that we have taken the very best care of those that we love. I am just saying that in doing so, we have forgotten to love ourselves and do things for ourselves and maybe this is why we are seeing so many women experience burnout, or having them experience physical symptoms and issues with their health. Maybe we should pause and take some time to love ourselves even half as much as we love everyone else close to us in our lives.

I am hoping as this blog grows and we have more contributors we will find ways, even if it's only for 15 minutes a day, to show ourselves the love that we show everyone else around us. I am hoping that women that are going through all of these things will share their stories and pass on their wisdom so that others may learn that they aren't alone in what they are going through. There are other people just like them going through the same thing and blazing a trail behind them for others to follow.

Love and light to you as you read this.